Seeking It's Whereabouts

I’m a by product of the gentle stills of love

It brings me tranquility, helping to simplify

But for so long, feels like I am chasing a lie

A mirage to the human eyes……As I walk

Moving thru the after planes….

My heart has become a deserted terrain of ruin

I hear cupids call, in my mind…I seek logic

I seek reasoning…..God seasons my soul

These special ingredients, he implanted this 

Desirable recipe…..But the mind of me still questions

Who is called to me…..Who is meant to be…

Imprisoned to the anguish of heartache by greater degrees

I just want this to actualize, form my hearts eyes to see

Troubling thoughts evade my soul, so much has taken toll

My heart can’t withstand another ache….can’t withstand another bad break

Maybe I am just a realist……Only believing in what I see…..

Many desire a want for me, but they are not into to ME…

They are into the idea of me…..It’s not me they long for

They only desire the poetry in me…The trust in me has descended

Too much of this……..Wrong time, wrong place

Just a quick rendezvous at my place or there place

Then it’s more of the same….That’s why I need my space…….

Have I given up…….I wish not to entertain such a notion

Cause see……The heart of me, breeds loves purity

But the sin within me……Refuses to open my heart to see

It’s like a metal coated shell, severing my ties with all the alibis

All the deception, being the other man……pretending its all fine

In my mind, this blissful, happy ever after is only a dream in my scheme of thought

I bare my soul, I admit, I am a broken man…..Who would have thought

After all…..A man like me, quite enticing to the human eye

Been told of my handsome, features godly groomed…but to be specific

I too long that romance, as we advance the scales of the stars, gazing upon the moon

My heart bleeds for the happily ever after…..Or at least that used to be the case

Now…..I prolong this slow pace…….after all the hurt, consecutive times

Getting to know someone, finally feeling I can unwind with some quality time

A touch, a kiss….springs forth an unwarranted friendship…..

Left asking myself how did I get into this……All because of a kiss…..

Trying with everything to understand this, I tango this lovers matrix

Only to be placed on reserve……Waiting to be brought off the bench

Cause see…..I know what it is to be….Someone’s joy….momentarily…..

I know what it is to be the maintenance that provides a temporary fix…

I know what it is to be someone’s addiction….Nothing more….

This underscore derives my every predicament….Still asking God

What is this…..Why choose me…..You loosing me with all the woes

And by the way……You are moving to slow…..Yeah, I know that’s wrong for me to say….

My heart holds the torments of a lost runaway….Wandering aimlessly in this distorted wonderland

Where I am nothing more than just that make you feel good, late night after 2 am kind of man…

At least that’s the perception…….I don’t know about He….But as far as ME…..

I long to love strong, hard, mental and physical…..All just an instrumental process

For now……*sigh* I digress……Don’t know if I can handle the process

Of all the start over agains, taking chances, so many advances, only to become….Just a friend…

This road I have traveled long enough……For every murmur of my heart, throttles bewildered

They always say….Name it, claim it….But its been forty years now…..Forty years too long…

God please explain to me…..Because I simply can’t take it……Fill me where I am void

Cause my cup of love is running on empty…….

What can you tell, please explain, sick of the games……..

I need you to help me………My poetic confessions…….

Copyright©2011 Roberto Denaro Styles